Three years ago, the most gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching, event occurred in my life.
Three years ago today my mom died.
I lost my mom in the most frustrating of circumstances, a fast, painful, ravaging episode of breast cancer.
Three years still feels like three seconds ago. I remember it vividly. I remember my reaction, I remember my dad’s reaction, and I remember having to call my sister on her birthday to let her know that her mom had passed away (after she had slept at the hospital with her and went home to take a break).
What has happened in three years?
We have endured birthdays, Mother’s Day, Christmas, Easter etc. without the matriarch of our family, and yet with each holiday or special occasion we feel her presence.
I firmly believe that mom has guided many of our decisions and situations over the past three years in her own special way.
She was so wise and knew us all so well even in her last days she reminded us not to be impulsive with our decision-making after she passed, and to make sure that we took care of each other.
Physically she isn’t here to see her grandchildren grow up, she isn’t here to see either of her daughters get married, and she isn’t here to spend a relaxing retirement with her soulmate, my dad. We are still immersed in grief.
But in so many ways: She. Is. Here.
She is guiding us every step of the way. My sister and I are of her flesh and represent her strength and soul wherever we go in whatever we do. She speaks to my dad through his dreams and influences his decisions.
Will we continue to live on through her eyes as she wished? Yes.
Will we ever stop feeling the pain of her loss? Never. Even though it slightly diminishes with time.
For me, the triggers remain: numerous songs that I can’t fully listen to, certain streets/areas I cannot drive in, having to quickly change the channel when her favourite shows come one, the smell of her perfume, and every single time I eat an avocado, just to name a few…
I am so proud to say that I am Maureen’s daughter because she raised me so very well with kindness, generosity, caution, strength and lots of love.
The hole in my heart will never be filled. There is no one in the galaxy who could replace her but I will continue to strive for my goals and achieve the greatness she always said I would.
I am so happy and grateful that you are now where you need to be, pain-free, and with your Lord and Saviour.
Rest in paradise forever and ever Mom. I know you’re rockin Laker colours and gardening to your heart’s content.
I LOVE YOU.