Tired. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Sick. Non-Stop. Busy.
These are the words to describe me in my life over the past few months.
Maid. Chef. Chauffeur. Servant.
These are a few of the titles to describe my roles over the past few months.
This is the word that that hit me square in the jaw last week. Enough. I had had enough. TIMEOUT!
Enough of the routine, enough of the work schedule, enough of the same old cleaning and chores, enough of doing everything for everyone but myself.
So, what did I do? I did something quite impulsive (which is very difficult for me). I thought to myself, I work hard to pay bills, why not pay myself with a lil relaxation for a weekend.
The catch? To enjoy the weekend guilt-free.
Even as I slowly told the reservations agent my credit card number, many thoughts kept creeping into my head:
“Maybe I should only book one night not two…”
“This is money I could have used to pay down the line of credit”
“Will J sleep without me? Will he be sad that I’m gone?”
“Oh gosh, will they clean the kitchen properly?”
Seriously. These were only some of my thoughts! Why? Why do I think I can’t do nice things for myself?
Aaaanyhoooo, I hung up that phone and I had the biggest grin, hence the pic:
I arrived at the hotel around 8pm, ordered room service and told my brain to shut up. A king size bed all to myself and I still woke up at 4am and again at 7am. I had to tell myself not to get up, to just lay there and enjoy the silence. I picked up my Kobo and continued to read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg.
After spending quality time reading, having more room service, getting a glorious massage and a surprisingly wonderful pedicure, I felt like “me” again. I was ready for a romantic dinner date with my fiance.
Yea, I had a little too much fun with that iPhone tripod hahaha. Whatever! I had a blast!
Why all of this just to get some elusive “me time”? Gosh knows, I can’t be having staycations every weekend, that would be quite costly.
It seems to be a cyclical process actually. I do something for myself for maybe one day and then back to the same old predictable habits while deep down I crave spontaneity.
Yes, I know have children, yes, I know have a beautiful home with a loving fiance, yes, I know I have a great job in my field etc and I am very blessed. I also worked hard to achieve them.
However, if I don’t take care of me, if I don’t start taking time to enjoy Natalie and who she is, if I don’t take a breather more often than not…I won’t be able to be present for my children or fiance, home and job etc.
A member of my family and an amazing woman, Mary Ann Blair posted this saying thing the other day and it resonated with me:
We are human BEings, not human DOings.
I am constantly DOing…BEing? Not so much. That’s gotta change. The only person who can change it, is me.
This lil solo getaway won’t be my last and I also won’t wait too long until the next one!
In the meantime, I’ve booked another massage, carved out some time for me to head to the mall, library, my first yoga class and much more! One day at a time, one hour at a time.
Am I alone in this? I don’t think so and I’d love to hear from you.